People are addictive by nature, some more then others but culturally we are an addictive group. I am talking about more then narcotic abuse. We are addicted to food, exercise, sports, work, perfection, sex, gambling, internet, Facebook, shopping, video games, adrenaline rushes…I could go all day because the list goes on and on. Whether we realize it or not we are often knee deep in addiction.
I grew up hating the idea of ever taking a sip of alcohol. In alot of ways I used to be super judgmental and rude to those who did drink around me, especially my family. For a long time people thought I didn’t drink because I was Christian, but that isn’t the case because Christians drink. I never wanted to drink because their are too many people in my family that are alcoholics. I have lost one too many people I love to alcohol. I knew that if I went there something foreign would reign over me. I simply wouldn’t allow for that to happen. So I judged and acted like I was better then those around me. Which I am not and never will be.
The thing is I grew up with this addiction to food, control, and perfection. I needed to perfect. There was no question about it. I can’t tell you how many meals I’ve skipped over the years, how many times I made myself throw up, how many days I would go without sleeping just to have to perfect GPA. Isn’t that insane? I spent the better part of my youth and early twenties judging my ‘alcoholic’ family while I was growing in my own problems. At one point I didn’t even get out of bed for an entire week just so I could avoid food. I spent the 2011 New Year crawled up in my bed dizzy and slowly decaying.
One night I was so fed up with my life that I started screaming at God. Telling him how much I hated being me. Pitiful me. I remember it was the middle of the night and I was startled out of bed because my computer light randomly lit up the hallway from the other room. I got up and walked to my computer to see what made it turn on and the weirdest thing happened. Earlier that day I had been listening to this Christian radio station online, trying to put myself in a better mode, and when the computer when came back on the online radio station started playing again. The song that was playing was called “Don’t You Know You’re Beautiful” by Seabird. I know it was crazy but it changed me. I said one last prayer “Lord help me change my life or let me die because I don’t care anymore.”
The next day I went to this Church that my aunt, who doesn’t attend church and only heard about through her coworker, told me about and that was the day I met my husband for the first time.
Sometimes life is hard and it doesn’t make sense but the thing you have to remember is; there is more to life then your addiction. Take a minute to look outside of what binds you and seek help. Trust me life is so much better on the other side.