The Adulthood Monologue

Do you ever close your eyes and think about what it would be like to be someone else or be anywhere in the world except for where you currently are? There is this unspoken rule to life that if you’re stressed out and the realities of your current situation is to much you find ways to vent out the stress. 

Now, let me ask you, where do you go to vent out the stress? Who do you turn too? Being a Christian I would like to say I always turn to God but I’m not perfect. I know He is there for me and listening to my pleas and holding my hand throughout my life, but sometimes I want the quick fix. I want to close me eyes and become someone else in any other circumstance then my own. 

And that’s the truth. Life throws curve balls and you can’t seem to make it to first base. You are stuck at the home plate feeling overwhelmed and a little like a diamond in the ruff. You know you will make it out sparkly and new someday but for now your just going through the cleaning process. 

Moving to South Carolina has proved to be the greatest adventure of our lives so far. And not just because of the cool places we have been able to see but because the life experience it has brought to our marriage and  adulthood. 

Growing up all you want to be is an adult but no one is ever prepared for it. And how can you be? You learn as you go. There is no preparing for the unexpected. Overtime however, things get easier. Some things may be hard but you will have a been there done that attitude. But there is still that element of surprise waiting around the corner. No matter how old you are. The unexpected is there waiting for you like a monster in the closet. 

I asked David if he regretted moving here because it sucked up all of our savings. He said no because of all the things we have learned in the five months we have been here. 

For example, if we hadn’t moved here David wouldn’t have found such an amazing job. He would still be delivering Asian food. Also, I had been struggling with some health issues and the doctors here have been amazing. David and I have to live in a very expensive and cramped apartment and we make it work because have too. Most people would go crazy sharing a kitchen designed for a petite ballerina with a six-foot-five guy but we make it work. We have had this IRS issue bogging us down like a paperweight but we are still fighting through it. Not to mention the random car trouble we have been having… And my broken camera… I could go on for a while but what would the point? There has been a lot of good that has come with moving but there has also been a lot of bad. And as hard as it is to say this I’m thankful for it. 

We moved where neither family or friends could help us. Yes, they are only a phone call away and would help us at the drop of a hat but because we here alone it has forced us to be more dependent on each other. 

So, yes, sometimes I get mad and annoyed and I want things to be as easy as making a PB&J instead of making something gourmet. There are times I close my eyes and wish I was middle class and could buy as many latté’s as I want and not have to go to a food bank to survive but that’s a fantasy. Someday we will get there and we won’t be the poor struggling couple anymore. But for now it’s all about finding your inner strength and perseverance. If I gave up now and walked away I would hate myself for never trying and not being patient enough to see the outcome. Who knows who or where we will be in five years but as long as I have David, laughter, family, and friends I’ll be just fine. 


3 thoughts on “The Adulthood Monologue

  1. Love how you ended this in such a positive way. I have a trick I use when I start feeling overwhelmed by responsibilities and day to day problems. I close my eyes and I fantasize about cleaning out the savings account or maxing out the credit cards and disappearing to an island somewhere by myself. I imagine how I would spend my days, what I would eat, the conversations I would have with the strangers I meet. Eventually I found that the things I really cared about, the things I would miss most if I ran away, started showing up in my fantasy world and I realized that as long as I had those things, any place I was would be ok.

    Liked by 1 person

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