The times I want to crawl in a hole and die.

I want to crawl in a hole and die! Die! Or hide and never ever come back to work.

This morning, at work, I was finishing up in the bathroom, I just pulled up my underwear and was working on pants. When… 

Wait stop….

It’s important that you have a good mental picture so let me paint it out for you.

I’m standing there in my underwear with my pants just at me knees with my pee still hanging out in the toliet when a male coworker… Who happens to look like California but has the charm of Carolina… Walks in and sees me! In my skivvies. And pee in the bowl! Awful! He stared at me not moving. Horrified!

I was obviously embarrassed and in shock so I was all “Sorry looks like I forgot to lock the door.” And finished pulling up my pants. A good 10 seconds of this by the way.  Just me, my underwear, and him. The worst.

To make matters worse the store was super slow this morning so it was just me out on the floor with him and a few other male coworkers. There was no escape. I literally ran to my friends desk in the back and crawled under her work station telling her my tales of woe but she calmly reminded me that things could be worse and I just needed to move past it so I tried but I couldn’t look at him for the rest of the day and he couldn’t look at me either. I mean what do you say to someone you just walked in on? “Oh hey, nice undies?” And… “Thanks there yoga style so they stretch and breathe just right?” Then proceed to tell him where he could buy them for his wife? Yeah no thanks. 

Don’t we all just love embarrassing moments where we literally feel like we want to hide under a rock? The last time I felt this embarrassed was in high school. 

I was in a small six-cast school play and my part was this crazy money hungry real estate lady. Mildred Flumac. It was big part to land especially for the school outcast. Which was me. 

Every high school cliché that involves bullying probably happened to me. I was that kind. I was also freakishly skinny and the costume department couldn’t find pants that were small enough so they had to be safety pinned on. One of the scenes was me screaming a ducking behind a chair after someone pointed a gun at me. When I ducked my back would be towards the audience. So on the opening weekend of the show during the scene where I was supposed to duck the safety pin on my pants broke causing me to moon the entire audience. I wa wearing a thong. No joke. I was called moon girl for months. Original. Someone even drew a butt on my locker. 

But we have to laugh in times like these because really what else can you do?


3 thoughts on “The times I want to crawl in a hole and die.

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