Thinking Back

I can hardly believe that it is the holiday season already. It seems like yesterday we decided to move across the country. I feel sad in a way. Knowing I left my old life behind almost a year ago. I still have all of my friends but the culture I once submerged myself in, is quickly vanishing.

I have changed so much this year, I have been desperately sad, ready to walk away from my marriage (for like 10 minutes but still…it was a dark time), happier then I ever have been, and spiritually I feel as if my faith was consistently shaken. For the most part I have learned what a fighter I am. I can push past even the darkest of times and find the joy in life.

Here we are almost a year into our southern adventure and we are coming to a crossing point in our lives. Our lease is ending and the big question of should we stay or should we go weighs me down like I am running a 20 mile race while wearing bags of rocks on my back. Who knew we would end up here in this place of personal growth and independence.

To be honest if I am not sure if I have changed for the better or for the worse. It has been 10 months since I have been able to use my camera and that was my whole world for such a long time that learning who I am without it was such a challenge. I fell in love with cooking and rediscovered my desire for creating fiction. However, if I am speaking in total transparency I would say that I believe I am becoming the me I have always wanted to be but been to afraid to be.

Change is inevitable. Growing up is often challenging and sometimes you dislike yourself and that inspires a better life, a better you.

In my opinion growing up is the hardest part about life because the moment you begin to feel alright about who you are, you change. Life happens. You happen…becomes becoming who you are never stops. It is just as on going as a freight train.

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